So, there's this guy in Austria who doesn't wanna work. He doesn't like working and doesn't enjoy the kinds of jobs he's offered. He likes sitting around collecting his welfare checks. Sounds a lot like a lot of people in this country. You know. The one's the conservatives like to trot out every time they wanna dismantle welfare and food stamps and the like. So this Austrian guy - his name is Hans Url - comes up with a brilliant plan to keep collecting unemployment. He'll make himself "unable" to work. How does he do this? Well, our man Url is no faker. He's not willing to invent some hard-to-diagnose disease or pretend that he's got a bad back. No sir. Url decides to really hurt himself. So he goes into his garage and - wait for it - SAWS OFF HIS OWN FOOT!!! That's right, you read it correctly. He saws off his own foot. With a 
power miter saw (yeah, that's the actual saw there in the picture). Which is a pretty neat trick. I own one of these babies, and I'm not even sure how you can get your foot up there and reach the handle to turn it on and push it down on your ankle. But this Url must be a pretty determined guy, first to want to saw off his foot and secondly to figure out how to do it. And imagine how much this must have hurt. Back in my carpentry days, I accidentally cut off a finger on a drill press, and let me tell you folks - that hurt like hell. And my accident was quick - took less than a second. I can't imagine that this clown was able to get that saw down through his leg that quickly. But in spite of the pain he must have experience, Url does not stop to roll around on the floor screaming in agony as I'm sure I would have been doing right about then. No, he picks up his severed foot - ICK! - carries it to the kitchen, and throws it into the stove. Why? Cuz he doesn't want the medicos to be able to sew it back on. I'm not making this up people. He burns up his foot so it cannot be reattached. Once the foot is roasting nicely in the flames, he hops back to the garage. Then, and only then, does he dial 911, or Austria's equivalent. And the guy nearly dies from loss of blood. So the question is, how lazy do you have to be? I mean, really? You hate working so much that you are willing to hack off body parts so that you don't have to work? Now, I've known a lot of bone-idle people in my time, people who wouldn't breathe if they thought that they could get someone else to do it for them, but Hans Url takes the cake. He's really raised the bar in the idleness game. So next time you're feeling the urge to nag your husband/wife/son/daughter/lover/what-have-you because you think they aren't working hard enough, just cast your mind back to Herr Url. Perhaps that person you're about to nag out has a bit more ambition than you're giving them credit for. After all, if they haven't hacked off a limb lately to keep from working, then they're really rank amateurs in the the indolent set. So cut them some slack.
power miter saw (yeah, that's the actual saw there in the picture). Which is a pretty neat trick. I own one of these babies, and I'm not even sure how you can get your foot up there and reach the handle to turn it on and push it down on your ankle. But this Url must be a pretty determined guy, first to want to saw off his foot and secondly to figure out how to do it. And imagine how much this must have hurt. Back in my carpentry days, I accidentally cut off a finger on a drill press, and let me tell you folks - that hurt like hell. And my accident was quick - took less than a second. I can't imagine that this clown was able to get that saw down through his leg that quickly. But in spite of the pain he must have experience, Url does not stop to roll around on the floor screaming in agony as I'm sure I would have been doing right about then. No, he picks up his severed foot - ICK! - carries it to the kitchen, and throws it into the stove. Why? Cuz he doesn't want the medicos to be able to sew it back on. I'm not making this up people. He burns up his foot so it cannot be reattached. Once the foot is roasting nicely in the flames, he hops back to the garage. Then, and only then, does he dial 911, or Austria's equivalent. And the guy nearly dies from loss of blood. So the question is, how lazy do you have to be? I mean, really? You hate working so much that you are willing to hack off body parts so that you don't have to work? Now, I've known a lot of bone-idle people in my time, people who wouldn't breathe if they thought that they could get someone else to do it for them, but Hans Url takes the cake. He's really raised the bar in the idleness game. So next time you're feeling the urge to nag your husband/wife/son/daughter/lover/what-have-you because you think they aren't working hard enough, just cast your mind back to Herr Url. Perhaps that person you're about to nag out has a bit more ambition than you're giving them credit for. After all, if they haven't hacked off a limb lately to keep from working, then they're really rank amateurs in the the indolent set. So cut them some slack.
Oh, and as a post script, it turns out that in Austria, not having a foot doesn't make you inelligible to work. So not only is Url lazy, but he's pretty stupid too. Guess he should have checked the conditions for disability in Austria before he made that harsh cut.
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