Say What? The Perils of Translating

Sharp Looking Bag

I was recently searching on E-bay for a leather duffle bag for overnight trips. Nothing too snazzy, just something with a tad more character than your average, run-of-the-mill nylon gym bag. I've been looking on and off for a while now, but I finally found a really sweet one. It's manufactured by Krishnaa Crafts in Udaipur, India. The pictures of the bag in question looked great, and it seemed to be exactly what I wanted - fancy enough not to get sneered at by the bell hops at the Ritz Carlton, yet still rugged enough to throw in the back of a pickup when visiting my son in Idaho. So I scrolled down the page and began to read more about the product. What I encountered had me laughing out loud. Below is Krishnaa Crafts' description of the leather duffle bag in question. I swear that I did not change a single letter of this.

• We fabricate moral composed calfskin packs of extraordinary quality that don't expense the earth. We not just make an excellent handmade pack, in any case likewise significant serenity that we look after.
• The most essential thing, these packs are not mill made refuting all the conceivable pitfalls of mass-handled merchandise, for example abuse of shoddy labour, poor working conditions and a diminishment in the nature of the stock.
• The greater parts of our sacks are generally carefully assembled in villages profound in the field.
• Calfskin work is an universal specialty in our general vicinity which goes back many years and perhaps more. Therefore the quality and the completion of the cowhide is great and we give careful consideration to guarantee the level of value remains dependable.
• Every one of our item is hand tailored with unfathomable tender loving care. When tanned, the cowhide is twofold sewed and bolted together.
• The sacks are then oiled intensely and dried in the sun. This process diminishes the calfskin and gives the packs their trademark profound, rich colour , also sweet rough smell that tragically mellows with utilization.
• No substance colors are utilized at whatever time within the assembling process permitting characteristic weathering of the packs.
• Steadily the calfskin comes to be amazingly supple, also one ear later of utilization, the colour

  

  Say what?

  is improved.
• The packs obtain a relic completion and delicate material quality; photographs can't do this process equity.
• Recall these sacks are not production line generated so don't want manufacturing plant consummation every one holds slight varieties in the calfskin work that makes them individual, and large groups are expertly fixed.
• We suppose this is the thing that makes our sacks extraordinary, and over the span of the weathering process, every pack undertakes its own particular interesting character that is demonstration of the common path in which it was transformed.
• You'll soon discover that you'll get entwined from your sack in the wake of seeing it change and advance a life of its own.

Now, before I go on, and before anyone starts flaming me for being culturally insensitive, let me point out that I have nothing against people who don't speak English as their native language. In fact, I admire multilingual persons, since I doubt that I could translate even the first sentence of this blog into any other language, except perhaps Latin (which would admittedly garner me a great deal of cred among Catholic priests; not so much among the general population). Nor do I harbor any deep-seated resentments against either India or Indians. Quite the contrary. I have a profound admiration and respect for both the country and its citizens, having worked closely with many of them in my day job. That being said, I can still appreciate the humor that arises when someone translates something into a language that they do not have a very firm grasp of. I mean, could this enterprising exporter not have found someone - anyone - with a better grasp of English? In India? Where the unofficial language of government is English? In a population of a billion people? Especially since this site upon which they are advertising is aimed at a primarily English speaking audience? Really?

But - O! - I think I need one of these duffle bags. Truly. I mean, anyone can own any old duffle bag, but to be able to become "entwined" in a duffle bag "in the wake of seeing it change and advance a life of its own...." Well, that IS something to experience prior to shuffling off this mortal coil, is it not? To be the proud owner of a bag that has been "hand tailored with unfathomable tender loving care" from "diminishe[d]...calfskins" that "steadily [come] to be amazingly supple...and obtain a relic completion and delicate material quality" - what more could one possibly want from life? After all, do YOU own anything that was made with "unfathomable tender loving care"? I thought not! But apparently this bag is capable of transporting  one into the very realms of bliss. Of course, I am concerned about the fact that only "the greater parts of the sacks are generally carefully assembled." I

Moral Composed Calfskins on the Hoof

think I might prefer it if all of the parts were entirely  carefully assembled. I suppose this shortcoming may be why the "sweet rough smell...tragically diminishes with utilization." Yes, I can see how the diminishing of the sweet smell would be tragic. But these are my only concerns. Their production process does seem to be very gentle. They don't "expense the earth," and they are never guilty of the " abuse of shoddy labour" like a lot of other firms are. Cuz, ya know, I really hate it when manufacturers abuse their shoddy labour. That's just uncalled for. But Krishnaa Crafts eschew such practices, achieving instead "significant serenity" in the production of their bags.

So, I may buy one of these bags, just to be able to say that I own a duffle bag made from "moral composed calfskins." Or not. Seems if I do I may get stiffed for some hefty import duties. The jury's still out. But one thing I can do for the proprietors of Krishnaa Crafts is offer a teensy bit of advice on their ad. First, find someone who can speak English just a wee bit better to translate your page. And second (and this is I routinely used to give to my freshman English composition students), definitely PUT DOWN THE THESAURUS!